99 days. The length since we officially fell apart. And now I'm here, writing this as some sort of outlet. Not to say, though, that I'm still holding on to the past, wanting it to be redone. Fact of the matter is, I'm here, 99 days later, standing tall without looking back to what happened that day, right?
To be completely honest, until now, it still strikes me as though it only happened yesterday. I would be lying if I said that I'm completely fine with where we are now and that I have completely gotten over you. Upon saying this, I expect a lot of people to get mad at me for still holding on to the past.
My friends keep telling me to let go, move on, she wasn't worth your time and effort. There are times where I can make myself believe in what they are saying, yet there's still this part of me that denies everything accused of you. How I am still siding with you on this particular argument is beyond me. After all the stuff you put me through, I should at least feel a bit mad at you.
But alas, I am finding myself still by your side, without the slightest feeling of hatred against the one who kind of led me to my own demise.
When I was with you, every other negative thoughts I had before were all taken away. You made me feel like I'm on the top of the world, that nothing could ever bring me down. Turns out, it would be you.
Yet after all these, things seemed to be back to what they were before this fiasco. We were still among the best of friends, talk and act like nothing happened. Or so it may seem. To everyone, and probably you, it seems as though I'm back to my old self. Nothing new, nothing to suspect. Completely and totally normal. But no, I'm still devastated over what happened, probably just keeping it all inside rather than having people troubling themselves over me, something that I've been repeatedly telling everyone over the years. But in reality, I may just need someone to fall back on, and for a while, it was you. And it still probably is, but now that it concerns you, I don't have that sense of familiarity anymore. Even to my friends, talking about you is still somewhat of a strike zone. If it was a completely different situation, I'd be going to you for this. But seeing that it is not, you are out of the options.
Then again, I may just need the closure. It's not really best to get it over vented out writing in these overused sites that supports blogs. Do I really need it? Maybe. I already figured that I could go on with life without the closure, but it took a reasonable amount of time. Will it really make much of a difference if I do? Who knows, I'm just sure that I don't.
On another note, tomorrow's the 100th day, which also happens to be our JS Prom. Does it mean anything special? Doubt it.
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