Does it really have to be like this?

*Enter sentimental mode*

---FLASHBACK START---


-January 2010...


The rain's currently pouring hard, and in the middle of our YMSAT week too. There was nothing much to do, so we decided to go up to the Math unit. By we, I mean probably the best combination of people there is, or at least the most random of them. There's me, my best-friend-since-last-year, the Chinese guy who just got back from a bad case of dengue and affected his heart, our curly haired friend, our other awkward friend and his girlfriend (who hasn't really been part of the group much, just annexed cause of our dear friend, but eventually became part of the core group).

As we enter the unit, we see our Geometry teacher sitting in the lobby. We decide to sit with him and just hang out for a while. The rain is still pouring hard and since we have nothing much to do, we stay.

It was a stay full of corny jokes, but hey, what can you expect? Considering the ones in the conversation are this group of people, and our geometry teacher too. We also started to make Math renditions of some songs, like "It Will Be Proved" (From "She Will Be Loved) and more. But by any stroke of destiny or whatnot, most of the songs just happened to be by Maroon 5. Eventually, our teacher christened the group with the name, parodied from the great band from which our songs were derived from, Merong 5. Cause well, there were 5 guys in the core group + 1 annex (girlfriend) member. And a side joke is that one of our members will have a 5.0 in his grade in Math (which thankfully didn't happen.).

And so, Merong 5 was created.

-Around March 2010...


He broke up with her. Through text. Because he's afraid that he will just hurt her if the relationship continues. He was in tears. He was devastated. But he thought it was for the best.


My best friend messaged me up. He told me that he broke off the relationship. He explained how he feels like he's such a burden to her. He said that maybe this isn't right anymore, so he called it quits.

I have been kind of their wing man, to both of them, occasionally. So I have a rough sketch of what was going on. He came to me for a while for advice, for someone to talk to. For weeks, he's still devastated over the break up, but he wouldn't cave into going back. His last message was him pondering over the late Kurt Cobain's suicide note. And that's the last I will hear of him for a while.

She was working on an art project. Then she received the text. She broke down, she doesn't know what to do. She cried, her friends was trying to comfort her but to no avail. She didn't know why, he never even gave the reason why.

She texted me that same afternoon, asking me where I was. I just left school when I received the message. She told me what happened. She asked if she could maybe talk to me about it. I said sure, and so for a while, we've had random walks when she felt like it, ranting about him, about what he did, about how it should've been.

From then on, she came to me for walks like that when she could rant. But eventually, the ranting stopped and we became close friends. Since this was also my depressed era, she learned stuff about me and became kind of like my big sister, someone I could go to for advice and whatnot, but she also came to me. And so I have met a new best friend of mine, who have been a most crucial part of why I am still here today.

---END FLASHBACK---


I guess I got the Loki of the sectioning gods to place me in my 4th year section. I was classmates with my former best friend, the-I-have-not-been-talking-to-you-so-it's-kinda-awkward-especially-since-I'm-dating-your-ex. And awkward things were between us. As much as we both want to try and fix what we have left, apparently the whole section knows of the affair and keep on 'pitting' us against each other.

It was the annual retreat for the seniors, and also the palanca reading time. I was surprised to see one from him, And it confirmed any doubt I had, he also was like me, wanting to build back our relationship and become at least good friends again. And I was a bit regretful that I opted not to give him a palanca. So I sent him an e-palanca instead, a long one for that matter. But as we all know him, he's still pretty much him, and answered with a one liner not related to the letter in any way. I guess he still has some "him" in himself, there's still the part of him that I became best friends with two years ago. The part which I want to bring out yet again.

Admittedly, losing a best friend isn't the best feeling there is. Especially someone like him. He was one of the rare few actual best friends I have. And he's one hell of a friend to have.

But now, our deep and meaningful conversations have been reduced to simple waves and greetings across the halls. You've probably moved on with your other friends, other friends more close to your heart. But well, I guess it won't hurt to say that I miss having you as a best friend. Does it really have to be like this?


*End sentimental mode*

Wheeee~~ Potato :D

This bad?

Great. It's only been 5 days and I'm already experiencing such. Come on, it's not like she'll be gone forever, right? It'll be for just another week and a half, you can manage that. You'll get to see her again. And come on, you should really be preparing now, big day coming up soon.

But I just can't help but miss her.

April 12, 13:20H. The time of her scheduled flight back home. I must say that she's really excited to go back home to her family. And well, I'm pretty excited for her too. But I just can't help feeling a tad bit depressed that I wouldn't be seeing her for a few weeks, and maybe only get to talk to her for limited times since she's going to probably want to spend time with her family.

And right now, I'm feeling just kinda sad. Alone. Sure, I get to talk to her every now and then, but when I don't it feels pretty weird, like I should really be doing something that I'm not. I guess you could say that it's already part of my daily activities, to talk to her for extended periods of time, and to a certain extent, see her around at least once a day.

So yeah. Now I'm just leaving random messages every now and then, hoping she'd be able to talk.

Great, now I'm ranting, nyahaha. Rant post shall be deleted soon :P

Whee~

"Screw destiny."

Let It Slide.

Dammit. Let it slide already.


You know that you've achieved a lot in your stay. Your friends know it too. And you don't need to go up there and prove it to anyone, right? You don't need one of those certificates to prove your worth. You already left your trophies in one of the faculty rooms, what's a piece of paper compared to that?

Still, I think even you (yes, YOU!) would think it maybe, sorta, kinda unfair too if you were here. Your friend who you've been with in almost all your competitions get recognized and you don't. What happened to the whole recognition part? Isn't the ceremony to make you recognized for what you did?

Meh, call it envy or whatnot, it'll pass. I hope.

"You're still best in ComSci for me." - RMCP

Gaaaaaaahhh...

I don't really know what to do at the moment..

She's going to be leaving for Dumaguete in less than a week's time, and this is happening. (Don't fret, we didn't do anything stupid or something.)

For some reason unbeknownst to us, her sister hates me. Well, more of she thinks that I'm evil, as in son-of-the-devil evil or something. And we both can't explain why. She thinks I'd end up ruining her life. I won't, right? Well, I hope I won't.

She told me countless of times that being with her will end up having to face one heck of a barricade called her sister. And I've told her countless of times that I'd stick with her no matter what. But times like this makes me think that it shouldn't be like this. But no. I made a promise and I'm planning to keep it. I don't plan on breaking it for the sake of comfort. And hey, if something needs a lot of effort and is really hard to keep up and achieve, it only means that it is worth that much more. And I'm pretty sure that she's in fact worth it.

So I guess I'll be incognito to her sister tomorrow, which would be a problem considering that I'd be called at some point during the ceremony, so yeah. I just wish she doesn't kill me at first encounter :|.

Well, yeah.. Good luck to me tomorrow. Whee...

Day 3 - Third Year Section

Ahh, third year. Somehow, I dislike and like this year the most at the same time. But whatever the case, this year had the most roller coaster moments, so many ups, downs, twists, turns, loop-de-loops and whatnot happened this year. But sadly, I didn't get to spend it with a section I felt home in. (I'm sorry to any K who's reading this.)

The stratification in this section was quite high in the beginning. And sometimes, I find myself to constantly not belong in any of it. Yes, sometimes I hang out with a group every now and then, but it is just sometimes. I never truly found my home in the section. I do have some friends within the section, but even they have other closer friends that they'd rather hang out with. Somehow, I really think I don't belong in this section. But sometimes, I think what would Potassium be without me?

Oh yeah, right. Still Potassium. Still the same section I was in. Still the same from last year. Nothing would change, after all, what am I to Potassium anyway? I'm probably just one of those fillers for the section, just to make the count complete and correct. After all, what's a miniscule part to do with the bigger picture? Nothing.

For What Its Worth

It's not like people will be reading this anyway, so here goes nothing.

Three strikes and you're out. A simple rule implemented in baseball; if you can't hit the ball in three tries, then you're out. But it could also be a metaphor in real life; three strikes might be all it takes for something drastic to change.

And watch out, you're already at strike two for me. And nowhere are you near good.

Sometime last year, there had been an arranged examination to those who are interested in joining our school's Economics team. I took it, so did some of my friends. But you weren't there, like it made a difference. I don't know why I took it in the first place; there's just something that draws me to the subject. I was by then slightly confident that I know some stuff, but after the test, that had been reduced to a pulp.

The next day, I saw you studying Econ for some reason with one of my best friends, who also happened to take the exam. You said it was for homework and knowing your teacher who gives you definition homeworks, I thought nothing else of it. So I went over and helped you with some of it, just cause.

The week after, the people who got in were notified, and I was disappointed that I wasn't part of it. But it maybe for a reason that I didn't get in so the grudge wasn't that big. Then I find out that you got in. Apparently you took the test a day late, after we thought you your 'homework'. I got really pissed because of it, because I know (and a LOT of people can attest to it) that there are plenty of other people who took it deserves it much more than you do, the people who taught you, that other guy who told you that it was a glossary test that got you reading terms and definitions, that guy who sat next to me and took the test for the laughs, and the list goes on and on. And for that, I salute with my middle finger. Strike one, asshole.

Weeks pass and I haven't heard much from you, which was great. Except during our Computer Science classes when you ask "Sir, what does this snippet do?" (Run it, retard), "Sir, what does this loop do again?" (How in the world did you survive three quarters without knowing?), "Sir, how do you use a loop?" (Why are you here again?). It was annoying to no end. Even the lesser students can code much better than you. Even those who took up Web Development instead can code better than you. Ever since last year in Robotics, you were of almost no help, everyone disliked working with you. And that's the gospel truth.

Just the other day, I received news of the candidates for the Best in ComSci Award. And it disappointed me to no end that I wasn't one of them. It was the only subject which I actually had a chance in. It was the only subject where I excelled in greatly. It was my passion. It was what I loved to do. Call me a nerd or whatever, I don't care. I actually code and program during my free time and during when I'm stressed. I'd easily give up another subject to be able to work on my codes and stuff.

It wouldn't be that bad if you weren't there. But you fucking were. And it just made me loathe you more. You who actually knows almost nothing in the subject; You, who took credit for other people's work; You, who annoys everyone to no end, you took the only thing I was looking forward to in the grandest stage at the end. You took my only actual chance of winning an award for the subject I loved the most.

Everyone knows other people deserve your spot in the candidacy. Everyone knows that you shouldn't be there.

Strike two.

Don't you dare get a third one on me. Even now I already want to make your life a living hell. Stay out of my way, forever, and you'll be fine. Or not.

Go fuck yourself.

99th day.

99 days. The length since we officially fell apart. And now I'm here, writing this as some sort of outlet. Not to say, though, that I'm still holding on to the past, wanting it to be redone. Fact of the matter is, I'm here, 99 days later, standing tall without looking back to what happened that day, right?

To be completely honest, until now, it still strikes me as though it only happened yesterday. I would be lying if I said that I'm completely fine with where we are now and that I have completely gotten over you. Upon saying this, I expect a lot of people to get mad at me for still holding on to the past.

My friends keep telling me to let go, move on, she wasn't worth your time and effort. There are times where I can make myself believe in what they are saying, yet there's still this part of me that denies everything accused of you. How I am still siding with you on this particular argument is beyond me. After all the stuff you put me through, I should at least feel a bit mad at you.

But alas, I am finding myself still by your side, without the slightest feeling of hatred against the one who kind of led me to my own demise.

When I was with you, every other negative thoughts I had before were all taken away. You made me feel like I'm on the top of the world, that nothing could ever bring me down. Turns out, it would be you.

Yet after all these, things seemed to be back to what they were before this fiasco. We were still among the best of friends, talk and act like nothing happened. Or so it may seem. To everyone, and probably you, it seems as though I'm back to my old self. Nothing new, nothing to suspect. Completely and totally normal. But no, I'm still devastated over what happened, probably just keeping it all inside rather than having people troubling themselves over me, something that I've been repeatedly telling everyone over the years. But in reality, I may just need someone to fall back on, and for a while, it was you. And it still probably is, but now that it concerns you, I don't have that sense of familiarity anymore. Even to my friends, talking about you is still somewhat of a strike zone. If it was a completely different situation, I'd be going to you for this. But seeing that it is not, you are out of the options.

Then again, I may just need the closure. It's not really best to get it over vented out writing in these overused sites that supports blogs. Do I really need it? Maybe. I already figured that I could go on with life without the closure, but it took a reasonable amount of time. Will it really make much of a difference if I do? Who knows, I'm just sure that I don't.

On another note, tomorrow's the 100th day, which also happens to be our JS Prom. Does it mean anything special? Doubt it.

97th Day

A/N: YOU are probably reading this (by YOU, I mean someone in particular), but I don't really mind if YOU do manage to read this, just saying what's currently on my mind.

Huh, what do you know? I managed to get through 97 fucking days after what happened between us.

Oh and look at that, how convenient. The 100th day is on Feb 5. Effin great.

What transpired 97 days ago wasn't really the best moment of my life. Admittedly, I somewhat doubt it was any better for you. Sure it might have lifted some load off, but the transition wasn't really the best that it could've.

So for around 2 months after that, I was still pondering over what happened and why it happened. My friends all say this particular reason, yet you counter with your side of the story. This is where the conflicts begin. Who do I believe, my closest friends for 3 years and counting, or you, the only one whom I disclosed every possible detail about my life to, the one who was with me through thick and thin, even for just the past few months prior to the "event", the one who made me feel genuinely happy for the time being?

So for those 2 months, I stuck with my gut, denying my friends' claims about you, still hoping there was this chance to redeem what was lost, to reinstate what we used to have. I don't have the slightest clue what, but something snapped inside of me. There was this sudden realization that no matter what happened, it was only just that. Happened. No point in trying to piece it all back together. Whatever happened, happened. No turning back. No regrets.

They keep on saying that you weren't really the best for me, that I could've done better. And I could easily say that yes, they are probably right. I could've done better. I should have done better. You weren't the best for me. And I wasn't the best for you. There are plenty others who could replace you, although there's no denying the fact that there will always be a place for you in me.

There was always this nagging feeling that you could only be using me as a rebound. I keep on pushing the thought away, yet the possibility in my mind is so high that it can't just be pushed away.

Even after all this, I realized that you were only really meant to be my best friend. One of the only ones I could really call that without a shadow of a doubt.

A/N: Should've been posted two days ago.