<Sorry about not updating as I promised. And yeah, I got lazy D:. Anyway, here's a 10 part series of the 10 things that have changed my life thus far. They will most likely not be in chronological order, nor will they probably make much sense to everyone. So yeah. Oh, and I'll probably be finishing this series cause of people bugging me to do so xD>
If you do not know yet, I had my share of suicidal tendencies almost 3 years ago. Maybe I was stupid, maybe I was really just going through a bad time, but the most important part is that I am still here.
It was Christmas Eve, 2009, and my family went home to the province to celebrate Christmas with my grandma's side of the family. Right after dinner, I went to sit down on my favorite sofa. It was a cushioned sofa for one, that extends to a desk on the left side. It was nearing midnight so as a tradition, I started to greet some of my closest friends, plus a few new acquaintances along the way. It was then that we started talking.
You noticed how I somewhat seemed a bit down with my greeting, you of all people. From there, I started to explain about how I'm constantly going through a bad time. And for some reason, you tried to comfort me. It might not have completely worked, but it helped nonetheless. That moment became the reason why we became close.
Admittedly, I started to like you a while back from then, I never said anything to you about it, or to anyone for that matter. For one, you were with my best friend during those times, and well, I don't really want to be a jerk. So I remained silent. And for a while, no one else knew but me.
A few days past, I was going through a bit of an episode. Bad thoughts rushing in, negative feelings started to grow, and well, my urges started to kick in. Good thing I was out with my dad and not inside my room where anything could happen. Last time I was left alone, my lighter and blade was put to good use. But ultimately, we had to go home. I had to go back to my room, and everybody had to sleep, well, maybe not be.
The moment I got into my room, I received a text message from you, asking me how I'm doing. Me, being me, tried to avert the situation by lying. But you being you apparently knows when I'm lying. So I had to explain myself eventually. After that, you went on with your barrage of texts telling me not to, telling me how stupid it is to be even considering doing so, telling me what will happen if I do so.
But that one line at the end made me reconsider. It, so to say, calmed me down, even for just that night, maybe enough to have kept me alive.
"Don't do it. Everyone will miss you. I will miss you."
Maybe I'm just shallow. Maybe even then, you matter a lot to me. But if it wasn't for that, I really shouldn't be here.
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