Huh.

There comes a time in a person's life where he/she suddenly wants to feel sad.

Or maybe that's just my masochistic tendencies speaking.

After all these years, I still find things very curious. Mostly beginning with the question, What would've happened if you weren't there that night?

If you weren't there, then I'd probably have done the unthinkable. Although it occurs to me, will people actually care? Will they even notice I'm gone? Will it actually affect them in any way? Well maybe, there'll be one less competition, but that'd be it.

Looking back, there hadn't been much who personally know the story of my past. Most of them know me as the "guy who's always happy". Which makes me think, if those people would be the one who'd do my eulogy, then I'll forever be another case of "it's always the happiest ones". Then after a month or two, those same people will most likely have forgotten about me. And the cycle continues.

Although I am thankful, I have someone by my side to listen to me. It is curious, though, to ask, of the seven billion people in the world, how many are thinking the same as me at this very moment? Yet even more so, how many have people listening so that they wouldn't do the unthinkable? But just maybe, the more relevant question is who won't have anyone listening? Who would be pushed over the edge, only to ultimately be forgotten by everyone around him/her?

I don't know why, but I like fathoming over these things. It gives me this sort of pain inside that I somehow enjoy. I'm weird, I think we've already established that. Maybe I really do have some masochistic tendencies.

Or maybe that's just the hydrated alkene speaking.

Hour 5

10 All-Time Favorite Songs

Hour 4

Describe Your Best Friends

Hour 3

Describe yourself in 10 words

Hour 2

Hour 2 - Favorite Picture

Hour 1

20 Things I Can't Live Without (in no particular order) and some random reasons why

5 Hour Personal Challenge

Recently, I really have not been updating this blog, at all. Except for that time when I had to do a challenge. So I guess, why not?

From Heck Yeah Tumblr Challenges:

Hour 1: 20 things you can’t live without.
Hour 2: Favorite picture (of whatever, yourself, your friends, your favorite artist, your favorite paint, anything, your favorite picture in the whole universe)
Hour 3: Describe yourself in 10 words.
Hour 4: Describe your best friends.
Hour 5: 10 all time favorite songs (try to post the audio of one!)

Note: These will be all be posted on a set time today, starting at 3AM (GMT+8), just because I'm feeling a bit OC.

Sudden Realizations

This page looks like crap. This whole blog for that matter. Gah.

I seriously suck at this o.o

Help Wanted: Someone to layout this for me?
Reward: My eternal gratitude for making my blog look awesome, plus lunch out I guess, depends.

If interested, place your right leg behind your neck, hop on one foot, left hand doing a fist pump motion, singing the alphabet backwards while commenting on this post. Failure to do so will merit nothing. Hooray

Mee Mee Mee Mo

Another year has come and gone. And with it, memories, friends and loved ones as well.

To the people I've met, may we build relationships that will last for the years to come. May 2013 serve as thee just me force that binds us together.

To the friends I've kept, may this continue for many years after. We've shared some memories in the past, it's time to make some more.

To the close friends I've kept and gained, thank you for keeping me in check, my insanity might come off every now and then if left unattended. Thank you for always being there for me, even when I don't want you.

To the new family I've found, I'm looking forward to the next 4 years of working with you. And many more of being with you.

To the people I've hurt, I'm sorry. No further explanation is needed, nor will suffice, but just know that even if you don't forgive me, I'll still try to better the things I've done.

To the people that hurt me, you are forgiven. Wounds are meant to heal, scars are meant to fade. Let's keep that in the past and look forward to the future.

---

To my bestest friends, I love you guys, always remember that. We may have our ups and downs, we may have lost some connection every now and then, but always know that you could always find me when you need me. Let 2013 create much more awesome memories with you guys.

To the best friend I've made, lost, and eventually befriended again, I'm kind of glad to have you back again. I know we won't be seeing much of each other any time soon, but I wish you all the best, with everything.

To the most wonderful girl that I've spent the year with, thank you for always being there for me. Here's to 2013 for us, and many many more years to come. Hoping to spent the rest of my life with you. I love you >:)<

---

Happy New Year everyone! May 2013 be your year :D
God bless!

-darthblacknar

Delta-Life Moments - Finale

A/N: Finally, I complete a blogging challenge. And I posted this early to make sure I don't miss it.

May 12, 2011. Around this time.

"So, are you my girlfriend now?"
"Try to ask me properly :)"
"Fine xD. Rae Angelei Regalado, will you be my girlfriend?"
"Yes :)"

Delta-Life Moments - Frog's Cousin

The toad. Well, not really its cousin, it's just that they look similar and they are often mistaken for the other. More like a brother, come to think of it. But I'm talking about that toad.

I'm talking about the ToaD.

I rarely read, and that's something every single one of my friends can attest to. I really dislike reading. Out of the 16 books we were required to read in high school, I only actually read 3, the rest I got info on from the internet, mostly SparkNotes. Other than that, the only other books I've read are from the Harry Potter and the Artemis Fowl series. And that's probably it.

Short stories, I'm not very fond of as well. But I read them more frequently than books and online series and what not. Very rarely can short stories get me addicted to them. And there's this one special series that have gotten really really close to me. And it's written by none other than my best friend.

We are both pretty much confused and puzzled about the origins of our friendships. What we both know is that suddenly we became friends through the Lonely Elective Gazebo (see previous post), then somehow we became close friends, and now were pretty much the best of friends.

Now were pretty much somehow like those new stereotypes for best friends, you know, ones who curse each other to death, basically the opposite of what best friends were originally thought to be. And along with this, there are a lot more stupid, crazy, weird, awkward, random and basically events that do not make any sense that has happened between us compared to the ones that do make sense. And somehow, these things keep us together.

This person has completely changed my life ever since we've became best friends. I still can't get over some of the weird things that has happened between us. But beyond these, it can't be helped to get on each others' nerves. I mean, she have ditched me more times than she showed up this semester, she have replaced (not really, but it feels like it, haha) me with her new best friend/s in Ateneo, and some more other stuff. Other than that, I have aggravated her on more than a few occasions as well.

But beyond all of these, she's still my best friend. And she will probably be for a really long time, beyond bad stuff, beyond not-so-awkward-anymore late night conversations, beyond all of these, and even beyond being a distant relative to someone I personally dislike (possibly a frog, cause this could be a title reference as well, haha).

I only hope, though, that this will not be like my other 'best friend' stories. Or so to say, 'ex-best friend' stories.

A/N: Cause she'd probably read this sooner or later, yes, this is a dedication post for you. Can't I not? It's almost the end of the year anyway, hahahaha xD. Hi Thea >:D<

Delta-Life Moments - Sweet Moments

A/N: Double post today cause I missed one yesterday. Anyway. Here's number 8.

Not actual sweet moments, but sweet moments. These delectable delights have turned my life around ever since I ate them. I can not imagine me living without any chocolate.



I have to admit something, I absolutely dislike white chocolate. Why? It's too sweet for chocolate. Chocolate is not supposed to be that sweet.

I tried Top Deck for one reason, and one reason only: it was basically two chocolate bars in one. Even though it had white chocolate, I just had to try it. And it was one of the chocolates that I totally and completely love. It was the only white chocolate (or at least part white chocolate) that I would ever look for.

For all my life, I have always, always loved Ferrero Rocher. It was one of those chocolate treats that would explode flavor in your mouth. And I also have always had a thing for dark choco. So it came to no surprise that I was head over heels over Ferrero Rondnoir. It was none other than Ferrero's line of dark chocolate. And it was completely heavenly. Other than that, no other word could justify this chocolate. Sadly, it has become extremely difficult to come by anymore, other than in sets.



But beyond all these chocolate, there is the one that is very close to my heart.

It wasn't like any other chocolate, it was pretty much weird in shape, had something other than fruit or nuts inside, but somehow, it tasted fantastic. And ever since then, I have used this chocolate in much more ways other than just plain old eating. I've put this on hot chocolate to make it even richer. I used this to top a brownie cake I've made once. And it's not to shabby for initiating kisses as well. Not that I would know, of course. (Read it somewhere, I think. Yeah.)

But the most viable reason for me using and buying this chocolate so much? It's her favorite. And trust me, there are so many memories that this chocolate has been involved in.

Delta-Life Moments - Lonely Elective Breaks

A/N: This was supposed to be for yesterday, but for some unforeseen circumstances, we went to the beach, I got stung by a jellyfish and got bitten by a shark. For the record, this took me 4 hours to write cause I lost my 9 fingers. The shark then became full of my finger food. Hahaha.

There came a time in high school where there was a common 2 and a half hour breaks for everyone, somewhere in the lines of two class periods plus a small break. And you get to fill up those periods with an elective. But you only get one. And the schedule (usually) is either the first or the second period. Sadly, the elective I liked was at the second period, but most of the other electives were in the first. So it was pretty much quiet of juniors during the first period. Except for this one gazebo.

This certain gazebo had a mixture of students from different sections. And they also came from different electives. And somehow, because of the schedule, those people would then become a group of really good friends. One that no distance could completely separate them all. And until now, they pretty much still are together.

We, pretty much are.

<Darren, Angelei, Marlo, Jeremil, Leif, Lianne, Ria, Thea, Jia, Justin, Edmond, Maki, Dennis, Quina> + [Patrick, Kenneth, Jelor, Ronida, Kerwin, Jaren]

If any one of you guys reads this, please, I'm begging, can we please already have our overnight? Please?

A/N: Nah, none of those stuff (jellyfish, swimming, shark) ever happened,I was just too lazy to post this early, and I wasn't home yesterday. Yey

Delta-Life Moments - Do You Hear The People Sing?

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
Is there a world we long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring
When tomorrow comes

Those words echoed in the auditorium as the musicale draws to a close. The chorus sung with such intensity sent chills to everyone listening to it. It left the audience in awe, even after the curtains closed in.

When your girlfriend is in a major musical production, you should show your support. Even though I wasn't the biggest fan of musicals, I had to at least be there for her during late practices and rehearsals. But what I saw during those rehearsals changed the way I think about musicals forever.

As the cast practiced to stage one of the greatest musicals in the world, Les Miserables, you can't help but get lost in the music. Every lyric, every rhythm, it enslaves you and brings you to a different world. And I did not expect it to be this good.

By the time of the first show of the musicale, I got myself a seat in the front. Apparently, it was reserved just for me. When the first notes started to blast through the speakers, the audience was caught in a trance. Everyone was listening in anticipation. The songs makes you either want to sing your heart's content, or make you cry with the power of the song. And I was there, sitting in awe. Words can't describe what I was feeling as I watched and listened to the entire musicale. Saying it was wonderful couldn't even cut it.

From then, my curiosity of the musicale grew even more. And soon, I found myself listening to Cameron MacKintosh's production of the Les Miserables for it's 25th Anniversary over and over again. And I still do.

Now, I await in anticipation for the movie adaption of the musical. Sadly, it is to be premiered only on January 16th here due to the Metro Manila Film Festival. Oh well.

A/N: This is the 6th day in the challenge. And forgive me if it seems weird and all, the way I write. I mean, it's already 12:30 in the morning anyway. I should really work on these challenges much earlier. Oh well.

Delta-Life Moments - I Wanna Be The Very Best

I was 7 years old then.

It was a few days after Christmas. I woke up to a huge box in the living room. I was soon to find out that those were some gifts from our relatives in the States. And what was inside that box would soon change the very person I am.




As a kid, I still get toys as much as I can for Christmas and my birthday. This Christmas is no different. What I got was another box, a square one to be exact. It was yellow all throughout except for the gray rectangle to the left side with the words "GAME BOY" in blue. In the middle, a picture of a yellow mouse with sparks coming out. On top of it, the words "Pokemon Yellow: Special Pikachu Edition" were written. In more words than one, it looked a little like this:




Being the naive little kid I was, I opened it immediately. I found a cartridge colored yellow with a label the same as the one in the cover of the box. There was also a booklet that dropped. For a while, I was wondering how in the world would I play with this thing? At that very moment, my question would be answered.



Apparently there was another box for me. As I opened it, it contained this little thing popped up.

The very first member of the Nintendo Gameboy family, the Gameboy Pocket.

And this marked the very start of the countless days staying at home playing, hundreds of AAA batteries used up, numerous nights I stayed up just to play and so much more memories.



Of course, knowing the Pokemon franchise, it did nothing but grow. The next game in the series I got was Pokemon Gold. After that, my Gameboy Pocket flashed it's final lights. And yes, I gave it a proper burial and it's still in our garage, buried. Other than that, I've started to watch every episode of the anime series. I was so addicted to the point that I should be at home and should be holding the remote to the television by 7:15 pm everyday so I can reserve the 30 mins of air time by 7:30.

From then, I found myself playing all the versions at least thrice completely, although on the computer using an emulator. Eventually though, I got a Gameboy Advance SP, but I was not able to get as much Pokemon games as I liked. The anime, I still continued to watch until it stopped airing. Plus a little extra, I downloaded every movie they had. Heh.

And now, I'm here, still playing those games like there's no tomorrow, well, not really. Although ever since the DS games came up, I was not exactly able to keep up. I still haven't finished Pokemon Black/White, and Black/White 2 has already been released. Heck, rumors of a 6th Generation for the 3DS are already popping up.

The anime series have also caught up on me. Cartoon Network started airing them again, but I haven't caught on. Downloads are taking too long so I can't watch everything. The movies have also caught up on me. I can't find good download sources as much as I did for the previous movies. Usually, they only come up weeks, or even months after the original airing.

But even with all these, the passion I have for the franchise is still burning hot. Pokemon has always and will forever be a part of my life. And I will not stop until I become the World's Greatest Pokemon Master.

Delta-Life Moments - Blue or Maroon?

A/N: This is technically not an advanced post since I've been writing a few hours late for the pat few days. Anyway, this is Day 4 of my Delta-Life Moments Challenge (otherwise known as the Life Changing Moments Challenge, the challenge right after the supposed doomsday)

Coming from the premiere science high school in the country, not to brag, but statistically, it should come to no surprise that I end up with a decision on where to go for college. So far, I have to make the choice between UP, Ateneo, UST and Mapua. But the way to UST and Mapua is filled with traffic on top of it being very far from home in the first place, so it's out of the list. Now, I have to make the choice between the two remaining.

If I choose Ateneo, I would be taking up a five-year course in Applied Mathematics and Finance. But what's so special that made it a five-year course is that the fifth year serves as my masteral year. Which means that I would have a Masters degree by the time I finish the five-year course.

If I choose UP, I would also be taking up a five-year course, but in Chemical Engineering. Admittedly, I'd like Math better than Chemistry, and engineering for that matter. So when it comes to the course, I'd definitely go to Ateneo.

Being both along Katipunan, or at least their entrances, they're pretty much easily accessible, so commuting will not be much of a difference between the two.

I have my share of friends both in Ateneo and in UP. Plus, I have one best friend in each university. But one person could make all the difference in the world.

Yes, Angelei would be studying in UP, taking up Biology for four years. If ever I choose to go to Ateneo, I could still probably go and visit. But still, being in the same school is way different from just visiting.

So yeah, eventually I make my choice of going to UP. And now, for almost a semester and a half, I'm still here. Things may have been better if I went to Ateneo, but that's all behind me now. For now, I still have around four and a half years of studying, four and a half years in UP, and more importantly, four and a half years more to spend with her in UP.

Delta-Life Moments - Fulfilling My Destiny

"Congratulations! Finally, the 12A batch has been completed. Welcome to KEM!"

Congratulations, hugs and momentous cheering filled the evening air as the Special Final Rites ended. Why special? Because it was held only for those who were not able to attend the actual Final Rites.

Now, I am bound under oath to not speak of what happened during the actual ceremony, but that is not exactly the point of this post in the first place.

November 19, at around 9:30 pm, I am finally a member of UP KEM.

UP KEM houses a really diverse group of people But no matter how diverse we are, we are united as one, as a family. And this is why I love this organization so much. No matter how you may seem different, you are still part of it.

And being a part of a family, you must definitely do your part in it.

For my first ever year in college, I take part, not just as an audience, in one of the noisiest events during the annual Engineering Week, the Smoker Night. It was an event like no other, I can promise you that. I can't exactly describe it in words, you have to experience it first hand to fully grasp what it is. The closest I can give to a description is the actual description of it by the Student Council.

A night event that features sixteen (16) Engineering-based organizations that will strut their stuff to prove that our country's future engineers are not only good in numbers but also have a good eye in discussing socially-relevant issues through the representation of the different departments in the Philippines in an exquisite theater production.

Note the use of the word 'exquisite', it is misleading to say the least.

To further reinforce my statement, these are just some of the things I've witnessed/done during the night: perform topless in front of most of the affiliated engineering students, act gay for your close friend in front of the same audience, people drunk performing on stage, the star of the performance is a huge penis, the crowd filling the air with curses and middle fingers, and that's just the beginning.

Now, do I regret being part of this so-called tradition? Definitely not. Will I ever take part in it again? You can bet on it.

A/N: Note, this series of events for my 10 day Delta-Life Moments Challenge is not strictly chronological. Just saying.

Delta-Life Moments - Tragic Royalty

It was the final day of the final periodic exams back in second year. For some reason, no one was asking people to go out for class reunions, or simple gatherings or whatnot. So me and Lei, our resident Chinese guy, decided to go out, to the conveniently located mall near the school, TriNoMa.

Leif, being the guy that he is, decided to break confidentiality between him and one of our mutual friends. And it went a little something like this.

<convo st="translated, non-verbatim">

Leif
Me
Did you know? I think Angelei likes you
Really? Nah, you wishNo, seriously. Look at this text she sent me last night.

Leif, would it be okay to like your ex's close friend?

It couldn't have been Marlo, she said she was scared of him. Nor could it be me, why would she be telling me this then? And I doubt it's any of his Sapphire friends, she's not close to any of them. And that leaves you.
You're just messing with me. Come on, let's just go to Trinoma.

</convo>

It was also in second year that my fascination with collecting card decks started. And I got it from Leif. So being the end of the school year, we decided to burn some money, well, me. I got myself a Bicycle Guardian and a Bicycle Tragic Royalty deck. <look them both up if you must>.

For some reason,that conversation before we got to the mall stuck with me. And I kept bugging Leif about it. So we went to the food court and he gave his ultimatum. We were playing randomly with the decks, particularly the Tragic Royalty. We decided to make use of the deck as a fortune telling one, or at least something close to it. We ask a question, and if the next card flipped was of the suit or number that was predetermined, then the answer was a yes. Otherwise, it would be no. Seemed fair, right?

It was working quite randomly on the first few trials we asked, making wrong assumptions as it was supposed to. But when we got to asking questions regarding the thing we talked about, it seemed consistent to what he was saying. And we repeated it. Over and over again. With the same results.

Eventually we got tired and had to go home. Before parting ways, we had another short conversation about it.

<convo st="translated, non-verbatim">

Wait, are you sure that she really does like me?Yes. I'm seriously sure.
Fine. Well, in that case, yay!Huh? Why are you celebrating?
Cause, she likes me.You've got to be kidding me, right?
Maybe.

</convo>

Then I left, leaving him there confused and alone. Well, not really. I'm pretty sure he caught on. And that's how mostly everything started. And I'm sure glad it did.

---

Epilogue

Well, almost three years after that incident, I've lost contact with that deck. I've given it to my close friend for his birthday a few months back. And I hope he's been putting it to good use, or at least, he will.

Delta-Life Moments - I Shouldn't Be Here

<Sorry about not updating as I promised. And yeah, I got lazy D:. Anyway, here's a 10 part series of the 10 things that have changed my life thus far. They will most likely not be in chronological order, nor will they probably make much sense to everyone. So yeah. Oh, and I'll probably be finishing this series cause of people bugging me to do so xD>

If you do not know yet, I had my share of suicidal tendencies almost 3 years ago. Maybe I was stupid, maybe I was really just going through a bad time, but the most important part is that I am still here.

It was Christmas Eve, 2009, and my family went home to the province to celebrate Christmas with my grandma's side of the family. Right after dinner, I went to sit down on my favorite sofa. It was a cushioned sofa for one, that extends to a desk on the left side. It was nearing midnight so as a tradition, I started to greet some of my closest friends, plus a few new acquaintances along the way. It was then that we started talking.

You noticed how I somewhat seemed a bit down with my greeting, you of all people. From there, I started to explain about how I'm constantly going through a bad time. And for some reason, you tried to comfort me. It might not have completely worked, but it helped nonetheless. That moment became the reason why we became close.

Admittedly, I started to like you a while back from then, I never said anything to you about it, or to anyone for that matter. For one, you were with my best friend during those times, and well, I don't really want to be a jerk. So I remained silent. And for a while, no one else knew but me.

A few days past, I was going through a bit of an episode. Bad thoughts rushing in, negative feelings started to grow, and well, my urges started to kick in. Good thing I was out with my dad and not inside my room where anything could happen. Last time I was left alone, my lighter and blade was put to good use. But ultimately, we had to go home. I had to go back to my room, and everybody had to sleep, well, maybe not be.

The moment I got into my room, I received a text message from you, asking me how I'm doing. Me, being me, tried to avert the situation by lying. But you being you apparently knows when I'm lying. So I had to explain myself eventually. After that, you went on with your barrage of texts telling me not to, telling me how stupid it is to be even considering doing so, telling me what will happen if I do so.

But that one line at the end made me reconsider. It, so to say, calmed me down, even for just that night, maybe enough to have kept me alive.

"Don't do it. Everyone will miss you. I will miss you."

Maybe I'm just shallow. Maybe even then, you matter a lot to me. But if it wasn't for that, I really shouldn't be here.

A New Beginning

Huzzah! I actually have the decency and the motivation to start to write again. I find that amazing. Also in time for Cheer Up Emo Kid's first update in months. Well, at least he had some reason. I don't. Woe is me from whoever's reading this.

Anyway, like I said, that was one sem of complete and total silence from me. If you must know, I am currently taking up BS Chemical Engineering in the University of the Philippines - Diliman. Hooray for me.

Why UPD? Cause people (or person) is there.
Why Chem Eng'g? Cause I like computers and electronics.
Why didn't that make any sense? Because potatoes.

And because I didn't update for a semester, hello catching up posts.

---

Part 1 - A New Beginning

Holy shit, that actually sounded cool.

I just so recently graduated high school, and with that, hello college.

Taking up Chemical Engineering, we, of course, have to take up Chemistry as subjects and majors. And being in Engineering, Math can't be avoided as well. We had those two during this semester. Add in a couple of elective subjects, BOOM. Hello schedule.

Legend (of Korra):
PE BW-T : Tenpin Bowling
Comm Eng 3 - Communications English 3
Bio(logy)
Chem(istry)
Philo(sophy)

It's not that shabby of a schedule. It's actually the dream sched for the incoming freshmen. And I apparently was one of the lucky ones who got it. And this will eventually bite me in the end (See: the end of this post).

My first class ever just so happened to be PE. Tenpin Bowling to be exact. Why this PE? Just cause. And just my luck, I was classmates with her. By her I mean my girlfriend. (Yeah, just said it. Got a problem with that, punk? You feeling lucky, ducky?) So whee for me. Anyway, our coach was all like,

"All of you sit in this damn bench, those not sitting down, you can kiss this class goodbye."

Well not really those exact words, but it was pretty close. So that was that.  We had to fix this index card mandatory thing, and with that, my Monday is over. Well not really, we got some cake after that at Chocolate Kiss (What's that? Only the best restaurants for cake in UP) and that started our, uhm, goal? To try every cake they have to offer before the sem ends. So yeah, I'm gonna get fat. But it was a fun day.


Next few days were actually kind of interesting. I got to meet new people, I got to keep n touch with some others. The class was actually pretty silent in the start. But not for long.

As I've said, I got to keep in touch with my other friends from high school, mostly because I'm in the same class/block as them. And it just so happens that the combination of me and my friends aren't exactly the most quiet ones. And apparently, the biggest guy in class (no, not muscular, not in height, but you know what I mean) was also part of the gang. With this, it just can't be helped that the Universal Law of Gravitation took into effect. You know, the whole F = (Gm1m2)/d^2 thing. The distances between us and the other people weren't that big and it just so happens there are other groups forming as well, and before you know it, the intrastructural forces of attraction is big enough to close that distance off. And soon enough, we were united as a block.

And with that, I close this chapter.

---

Oh yeah. One down. X more to go, haha. By X, I mean:

l = [Start_Of_Sem, New_Friends_,_Org_Blues, _Comm3_Sucks_Balls, The_Always_Cumpolsory_Love_Life_Update, End_Of_Sem, Sem_Break_So_Far]

X = len(l) - 1

Yey! Hopefully, I finish this before class starts again, or this will be collecting dust in the internet, aww.

And with that, I bid you all a bye-bye~

"What did O say to Q?"
"Wear some underwear, damn it"